Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Oh brother!

Scanning the radio on the way home from school, I landed on the Dennis Miller show.  Miller was complaining of pork-barrel spending, citing specifically a roughly $900,000 disc golf course proposal from Austin Texas.  

I understand why Dennis would be mad, but you have to think of the externalities; disc golf courses serve as well-needed concentration camps for "bros."  Bros have been needlessly harming America, nay, the world ever since hacky sack encouraged the first sandal-clad dudes to stop listening to Pearl Jam and start blaring "DMB," "Widespread," and "JBT."  Bros LOVE acronyms and suck in other ways too:

1)  Bros wash their hair less than they should.
2)  Bros ruined Frisbee for the rest of us, who must fear guilt by association.
3)  Bros adore the Earth, despite the fact that the Earth clearly abhors bros http://youtube.com/watch?v=u_GoOS1UV9g.
4)  Bros laugh while others' tents blow away (or should I say bro away).
5)  Bros carry a Frisbee to college classes, drastically decreasing attendance rates as "normals" scramble to avoid the blatant bro-havior.
6)  Bros used to think adding "bro" to words was funny until normals started poking fun.
7)  One time a bro said these words to me..."Will you hand me that 'bee? (bro talk for Frisbee)?  Preesh (I appreciate it)."  I will not sit idly by why such word-shortening runs rampant.
8)  Bros still exist, despite years of evolution.


Other than supporting the novelty flying disc industry, bros do nothing but stink up the planet. It's time that we build disc golf courses and throw down fly paper at Bonarroo to slow these menaces.  Let's make the bail-out a bro-out.